Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
