Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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