i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
