well I can't set my house on fire every night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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