My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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