so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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