Me too!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
