maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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