those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
