is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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