i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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