Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
