She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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