you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
