Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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