one might say we're banned from that church
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
