i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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