I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
