I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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