Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
