Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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