Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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