I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
