At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
