I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
