make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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