i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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