dude i'm inner monologue high
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
