my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
