end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
