just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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