Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
