it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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