She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
