he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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