Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wish my penis had a tongue
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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