There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
