I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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