There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize