she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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