sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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