I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize