I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
