Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
