I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
