she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
