That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
