Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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