I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
