saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
