But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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