white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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