did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
