drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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