My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
