i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
