just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
