one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize