I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
