If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
