He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
