either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
