just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
