when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
