I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
