You smell like stripper and shame
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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