i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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