I met the friendliest cop last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i out mim tonsoeep
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