i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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