My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
