I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
