Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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