do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
