Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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