took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You pole danced in your parka.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
