just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
