I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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