I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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