it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
