Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
