Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
