our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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