I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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