so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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